Dying to Love (An FBI Romance Thriller Book 18) Read online

  He only hoped she’d file a report.

  He prayed for it.

  Maybe it was horrible of him to go there, but Livy was out of sorts since going back. Maybe she was agent material years ago, but the world had changed.

  The killers were more dangerous.

  The crimes were more violent.

  She wasn’t equipped to handle it, and here was his proof. She belted Elizabeth Freaking-Blackhawk in the face.

  Jesus!

  His wife had lost her damn mind. Someone had to get this runaway train under control.

  So, when Ethan called, he pulled himself out of bed, got dressed, and woke the nanny to tell her where he was going. He hoped his wife was sobered up by now.

  This was going to suck, and he knew it.

  Livy, despite her anger, was going to have to face the cold hard reality of what she did.

  And Gabe was going to have to face what he did too.

  He’d hurt his wife, and he’d inadvertently put a bull’s-eye on Elizabeth…

  Again.

  * * * B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x * * *

  Wednesday

  Morning

  When she woke, she was pressed between them. She was still in her pajamas, but they weren’t. The men in her life liked to sleep naked, and she never minded.

  She still didn’t.

  Callen’s warm body was pressed to her back, his hand casually over her hip, holding her to him.

  Ethan was facing her, his face inches from her, his midnight blue eyes focused on her. She could feel his hand holding hers against his heart.

  It thumped.

  It skipped.

  It called to her.

  “Ethan,” she whispered. “Make me feel. I’m empty,” she said, knowing that she may never be the same again. There was a hole in her heart, and it was festering.

  Ethan moved closer, his mouth capturing hers with his. She freed her fingers to run them up his chest and right to his hair. The gloriousness ran through her fingers like the finest of silk.

  It was cathartic.

  It was familiar.

  It was peaceful.

  As he kissed her awake, Callen began moving against her. He went up on one elbow, and a cascade of hair fell over them. It tickled their skin, adding need to the kiss.

  When he moved against her, rubbing wantonly against her ass, she moaned.

  Ethan freed her mouth.

  “Let us heal you. Let us make that hurt go away, baby. We can make you better.”

  She needed that in the worst way.

  Elizabeth wanted to weep for more reasons than Ethan would ever know.

  “Please.”

  Ethan rolled to his back, taking her with him. He placed her over him, and she straddled his waist.

  “I love you,” he whispered, staring up into her icy eyes. “You’re the love of my life.”

  Callen sat on his brother’s legs, right behind her. He began leaving kisses across her shoulders and neck.

  Elizabeth moaned when Ethan’s fingers began stroking her clitoris.

  She was wet.

  She was awake.

  She was needy.

  Ethan pulled her mouth down, forcing her to offer her body to Callen. He didn’t hesitate to slowly slide into the warmth, claiming her first.

  This morning would be about healing.

  Giving her peace.

  Loving her when she felt abandoned again.

  As he slid in, to the base of his erection, she moaned into the kiss. “Callen,” she whispered.

  Ethan ran his hands all over her flesh, tickling the goose bumps and giving her more.

  “You’re ours,” he whispered. “Forever will you have a safe place in our lives.”

  Both Elizabeth and Callen’s heart skipped. They hoped he always felt that way, even if he found out about her past.

  Losing this…?

  It would never be the same again. There could be no Elizabeth without Callen and Ethan. They had to be together to work.

  Or they would simply die as a couple.

  “Always, Ethan. I swear to love you until my last breath. Our love is forever. Callen too.”

  He was still moving, driving in and out of her body. The brush of his flesh across his brothers made them both shiver in need.

  When she breathlessly gasped, Ethan flicked his fingers over her, shoving Elizabeth over the edge.

  She came hard, riding Callen’s erection, and Ethan’s fingers.

  The world tipped, and she found herself on her back, Callen buried between her legs and above her. With his mouth, he shared a kiss that was solely meant to distract, devour, and share what he felt for her. Soon, he was going to take her on one hell of a ride.

  Ethan rested next to his wife, on his side, staring into her eyes. “It’ll all be okay,” he promised.

  She believed him.

  When Ethan said something, she could always bank on it. He was a man of his word, and that mattered.

  Callen began the ride. It was hard, mind blowing, and forcing her to the edge again. Their heartbeats matched, their breathing was ragged, and the fine sheen of sweat on Callen’s shoulders told the tale.

  He wanted her to fall.

  “Yes,” she gasped, as Callen shoved her back off the edge and into another orgasm.

  As she fell, her world shifted again, and she didn’t fight it. This morning, she needed the men in her life. She needed her husbands to hold her up, make her strong, and patch her dented armor back up again.

  She was wounded to her heart.

  Callen didn’t give her long to regroup. As she opened her eyes, she found herself sitting in Callen’s lap. His dick was buried in her body, and she was being slid up and down the rock-hard erection to get them off.

  Elizabeth let herself feel.

  She tipped her head back, closed her eyes, and trusted that when they fell, Callen would have her.

  The orgasm came fast.

  As Callen drove her down, pulling it from her, he exploded into her body.

  They tumbled.

  He rested her between them. Ethan moved to press her to the mattress. Only when she opened her eyes, did he smile, and slide home.

  Her body was tingling.

  It was alive with the sensation of pleasure and the longing for more. She needed him too.

  “More,” she begged.

  He began moving in and out of the wet warmth.

  It was heaven.

  It was pleasure.

  It was his wife.

  Her long legs wrapped around his hips, and she enjoyed the way he felt driving into her.

  He was watching her, and it was healing Elizabeth.

  “You’re the most beautiful woman in the world,” he whispered.

  Her heart quivered.

  “There could only be you two,” she admitted. “I’m whole again. The past doesn’t matter. Only you do.”

  He was glad.

  Ethan couldn’t hold out much longer. He was dying to cum in his wife, and he couldn’t wait.

  When her fingers scraped down the tattoo on his chest, reminding him of the first time they’d ever made love, Ethan knew he was close to the end.

  His control was frayed.

  He’d missed being with his wife and husband.

  This mattered to him.

  It was time.

  “Baby,” he whispered.

  She knew.

  “Fall with me,” she begged, feeling the tumble arriving. The colors exploded, she heard him shout her name.

  They fell.

  They sank.

  They floated.

  Elizabeth let him hold her against his body. Soon, Callen cocooned her in the warmth of their love.

  She was safe.

  She was protected.

  Elizabeth was home.

  And somehow, despite all the chaos racing through her mind, she drifted and fell asleep.

  And for a few moments, there was peace.

  * * * B l a c k h a w k
- W h i t e f o x * * *

  One Hour

  Later

  When she woke, she was alone in bed. Ethan was standing in front of the mirror on their closet door, and he was buttoning his shirt.

  “I fell asleep,” she murmured, stretching to get limber.

  “Sex with two Natives will do that,” he teased. “I’ve been the one who falls asleep before.”

  “Where’s Callen?” she asked.

  “He’s feeding the kids. He threw on street clothes, since you’re working a case.”

  “Are you okay with that?” she asked, wrapping the sheet around her body.

  He turned to stare at her. “I want to be, but I hate that this killer called you out. It scares the bejezus out of me, but then again, a lot of things do when it comes to my wife and kids.”

  She understood.

  She was afraid too.

  “Need help?” Elizabeth asked, pointing at the tie hanging around his neck.

  He was just about ready to do his tie, and he wouldn’t mind her fingers on him. It would make his day.

  “Absolutely, Elizabeth,” he said, watching her walk toward him. She was naked, flushed with lovemaking and sleep, and he couldn’t love anyone more.

  Here was his heart.

  “I can’t believe how lucky I got the day I found you,” he stated. “That was my one miracle in life, until you gave me children. I’m a blessed man.”

  Elizabeth felt guilty.

  His words hurt her. Until they were honest with each other, there would always be that wall between them. She saw that now. Elizabeth wanted to tell him about Chris and her past, but she didn’t want to lose him.

  She was pretty sure, thanks to her gut, that if she did, he’d toss her away.

  How would she recover?

  “You look handsome,” she admitted. “Each time I see you all Deputy Director-ed up, it makes my heart skip.”

  He grinned wickedly at her. “It’s my job to make your heart do wild things.”

  Yeah, thank God for that.

  “Busy day?”

  “I have to cover some meetings for Gabe. He’s not coming in today.”

  “Wow. That’s huge for him,” she said, trying not to show any emotion at all.

  “He’ll forgive her,” Ethan stated. “When you love someone with all you have, you’ll let the little things go.”

  “Ethan.”

  He touched her cheek. “Yes, Lyzee, my love?”

  She couldn’t do it.

  The last thing she needed that morning was a fight between the two of them. Elizabeth knew it would happen, so she chickened out.

  “You’re sexy in a suit. I like helping you get ready so you can boss the minions around.”

  He stopped her hands. “Do you think I can do it?” he asked. “Do you think I can pull of director while Gabe’s out of commission for the month or two?”

  She kissed him softly on the lips. “Without a doubt, Ethan Jackson Blackhawk. You were born to do this. This, my love, is your calling.”

  He let her rest against him. “You’d better get dressed because you’re one hell of a distraction.”

  She needed one.

  “Oh, so if I asked you to join me in the shower, you’d turn me down?” Elizabeth asked.

  He looked at his pricey watch.

  Then at his naked wife.

  Then at his watch.

  She laughed.

  “WOW. I never came in second to work before,” she teased.

  Yeah, that was never happening.

  Ethan began slipping out of his suit jacket. “Oh, I wasn’t debating if I wanted to be late, Elizabeth. I was planning the sex in my head.”

  “And?”

  “I can be late. I like to do things right and take my time.”

  She started walking backward toward their bathroom, and he was following.

  “Can you?” she asked.

  “Hell, yes. I’m the boss.”

  She loved the sparkle in his eyes.

  “Then, boss, make it count.”

  Oh, he absolutely would.

  * * * B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x * * *

  Hotel Monaco

  Olivia Rothschild’s

  Room

  When she woke, she had one hell of a hangover. Her head was pounding, her mouth felt as if she’d licked a cat box, and she wanted to puke.

  God!

  She wanted to puke.

  So…this was what happened when middle-aged women drank way too much.

  Lesson learned. Livy was pretty sure she was never taking this route again. She didn’t like feeling like this, and she knew she wasn’t going to enjoy cleaning up the fallout of her bender.

  Gabe.

  God!

  What had she done?

  As she pushed up from bed, she wasn’t sure if she should sit in the shower with her clothes on, or just lie on the bathroom floor until she succumbed to death.

  Coffee.

  That was the answer.

  If she could just find some, and a few aspirin to chase it, she’d be as right as rain in an hour. Then she could sulk home with her tail between her legs.

  As she stumbled into the living room, she tried to ignore the light flooding into the room. It wasn’t easy to do.

  When she approached the couch, she stopped moving. The scent of his aftershave lingered.

  Livy knew what that meant.

  He was there.

  Shit.

  “Well, this is a fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into, Olivia,” Gabe stated.

  “Shhhhhh. My head hurts.”

  “No, I’m not going to be quiet. You’ve dug a really deep hole, and you’re screwed. Your head is the least of your issues this morning.”

  “I’m not talking to you or Elizabeth.”

  “Yeah, you punched her in the face. That’s so much better than talking.”

  Olivia didn’t care.

  They’d kept something behind her back.

  Elizabeth knew about him being sick, and she didn’t tell her. That was crossing a line.

  Screw that.

  “She deserved it. I’d do it again too. If I see her, I’m going to hit harder this time.”

  “Yeah, I bet you think that. Unfortunately, you’re done in the FBI.”

  She stared at him. “What?”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “What? You didn’t think you could hit someone and get away with it, did you?” he asked. “You’re insane. Here’s my proof. You’ve finally lost it.”

  “What do you mean I’ve lost my job? Back up!”

  “You punched an FBI employee. You got shitfaced drunk, you put your hands on a DIRECTOR, nonetheless, and you did it in front of the Deputy Director—your boss.”

  “You can’t be serious. It was off the clock.”

  “Oh, I am. She can yank your badge. In fact, I wouldn’t be shocked if she was filing a report on the incident right now. Way to go, Olivia. I never saw this mess coming.”

  Livy stared at him.

  This conversation took some of the fire out of her. She didn’t want to lose her job. She didn’t want to humiliate him by being stripped of her newly returned badge.

  “Say it.”

  “You shouldn’t have told her then. You didn’t come to me. You went to her. I don’t think you get that you were instrumental in all of this. You RAN to another woman! What does that say about our marriage?”

  He sat there.

  Gabe had to handle this just right. While he wanted to tear into her, like he would any other agent who pulled this, he stayed calm.

  He took a deep breath.

  “Olivia.”

  “Well, Gabriel?”

  “I told her at one in the afternoon. You found out at six. I only told her because we were in the gym working out. I needed to beat the misery back, and so did she. I didn’t go looking for her. I stumbled across her in the gym, and I needed to get it off my chest.”

  Livy began feeling like an idiot.
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  “But last week…”

  “I didn’t tell anyone last week. I was in shock. I still am. I didn’t plan on telling you until the day before I started chemo.”

  Her eyes filled with tears.

  “How do you not get that you hurt me by doing that? How do you not see that I should have been with you the day you found out? I’m your wife. It means something, Gabriel.”

  “It means everything, Livy, but I was trying to save you pain and hurt. I get that you’re angry, Livy. I just chose to protect my wife. If you knew, you’d get scared. You’d freak out. I never thought you’d think I’d cheated on you and that you’d sucker punch Elizabeth.”

  She didn’t say anything.

  “I was trying to keep you from hurting. Instead, you lost your damn mind.”

  Maybe she had.

  “What do you have?” she asked, taking a seat across from him. “Elizabeth mentioned Gallbladder Cancer. Are you going to die on me?” she asked, her eyes filling with tears.

  His heart hurt for her.

  THIS was exactly what he wanted to spare her from. He hated his wife being afraid.

  So he told her everything.

  The entire time, she didn’t say a word.

  “The prognosis is good. I’ll be working from home a few weeks, and if all goes well, I’ll be fine.”

  She burst into tears.

  “Oh, Livy,” he said, moving to sit closer to his wife. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

  “I can’t lose you. How would I do this without you? Who will take care of our kids, and how will I…?”

  He stopped her.

  “And this is why I didn’t tell you. I was trying to save you from this. We’re good. I have a will, and there’s life insurance, and you have to be strong.”

  She cried even harder.

  Gabe let her ride it out. She deserved the opportunity to process it. God knew he wanted to cry when he first found out too.

  Slowly, the tears slowed down.

  “Oh, Gabriel, I love you.”

  He was well aware.

  “I don’t want to tell the kids until I have to,” he said. “I want Amy to be Amy, and Sara to be Sara, and Gabe Jr to be himself. This is going to be fine. Ethan is covering for me, and I will be okay.”