Dying to Love (An FBI Romance Thriller Book 18) Read online

  She was all he ever really wanted. Yes, he loved his career, and the power, but Elizabeth was his treasure. She was the only woman that loved him for him.

  If he lost her…

  Christ!

  He’d come so close to losing them. If that had happened, he knew what he would have been like. Ethan had been on a one-way track of destruction. He was a workaholic with no soul.

  Finding Elizabeth had given that back.

  She’d saved him.

  “She has damn good luck. Trust in that and her gut, Ethan. Fate has put everything into play for a reason. You’re where you’re at for the right reason and at the right time.”

  “Why are you being all nice and philosophical?” he asked. “This isn’t like you at all.”

  Gabe laughed. “No clue. Accept it for what it is, let it go, and just tell your wife about this case. Let her decide if she’s going to take it or pass on it.”

  Ethan was too rattled not to do it.

  His heart was thumping in his chest.

  “Where’s it at?” he asked.

  Gabe gave him the information.

  “I have the local police holding the scene. They didn’t even pull ID yet. This one is hers. Send some agents, and tell your wife and brother. They’ll decide.”

  “Okay, Gabe, but you better be here later. I don’t want to play desk jockey all day. My wife is going to be out in the field. I have a feeling my profiling services will be needed.”

  Gabe didn’t doubt it.

  His gut was saying the same thing. Deep down, he didn’t want her taking this case either, but he didn’t know how much longer he could act as a shield.

  The Blackhawks were on the shit list in DC.

  Well, she was.

  “You have this, son. In case I forget to tell you. One day, you’re going to be a fine Director of the FBI, and handing over the reins won’t scare me at all. You’re a good man, Ethan. Thank you for being part of my family.”

  Ethan stared at his phone.

  “Is this really Gabriel Rothschild?” he asked. “Are you being held hostage and was that code for me to save you?”

  He laughed.

  Gabe was amused.

  “Someone spends way too much time with his sarcastic wife.”

  “I wish,” Ethan admitted.

  “Go tell her. Then don’t forget the morning meeting. I’ll see you after my physical.”

  Ethan sighed. “Okay.”

  Gabe pulled into the parking lot at his appointment. “I believe in you, Ethan. I’ll see you when I get back.”

  He hung up.

  Ethan was rattled.

  He didn’t know what to say or do. His heart was thundering in his chest, and his gut was a jangle of knots.

  This was bad.

  This was very bad.

  Elizabeth was going to play with a crazy, but that wasn’t what scared him. Gabe’s words kept lingering in his mind. He couldn’t believe that she had been that other agent.

  He’d missed meeting her again.

  It was as if Fate got some sick pleasure out of screwing with him. He’d profiled, and he’d even gotten a text from her promising him a beer.

  Had he taken her up on it…?

  He recalled it because Jay, his partner, had told him to meet her at that moment. He’d been at a dry patch in dating, and it had been her or that flight attendant.

  Yes, he’d hooked up with the woman who filled his life with pain. When he told Elizabeth that he’d only been with her a year, it had been a lie.

  He’d sporadically hooked up with her for years, sometimes not seeing her for nine months. They kept coming back together, as their paths crossed.

  Granted, he’d just used her for sex for the longest time, and then the last year, he tried to be a boyfriend because he’d been desperate.

  Why he’d kept it a secret, he didn’t know.

  Maybe it was shame, maybe it was guilt, or maybe it was simply because they’d both had a past, and he didn’t want to talk about it.

  It shamed him.

  He’d allowed himself to be some woman’s arm candy as she verbally abused him behind closed doors. It wasn’t the finest moment of his life.

  Now that he knew that he could have chosen her…that they could have met fifteen years earlier…that she was within his grasp…

  Shit!

  What was wrong with his life?

  Maybe he needed to clean up his karma and own it?

  The idea of his wife with other men bothered him, and he was pretty sure she didn’t want to know that it wasn’t a year but over ten that he’d been boning the flight attendant.

  To that day, he told her she was his longest relationship.

  It was a huge lie.

  As long as he kept his mouth shut, no one would ever be the wiser. All that mattered was that he was her longest relationship.

  It was chauvinistic, but that was life.

  Ethan was the one she’d chosen, and that was all that mattered at that point.

  She was his.

  Well, and Callen’s too.

  Standing up, he adjusted his suit, fixed his tie, and smoothed his hair. It was time to tell his wife, and all he could hope was that coming clean about the dream would persuade her not to do this.

  If not…

  He could always beg.

  * * * B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x * * *

  Gabe opened the glass-etched door and headed into the office. He was scared shitless, but it didn’t matter. He’d faced so much in his life. What was one more trial?

  What was one more bump in the road?

  After all, this was nothing. He was more worried about his wife and kids.

  His sweet Olivia and all of their hellions were his centermost thought. They mattered more and no matter what, he’d be okay.

  He had to be.

  For them.

  “Yes, can I help you?” the woman behind the desk asked, and then she looked up. There stood a man in a black suit with armed security behind him.

  “I’m Director Gabriel Rothschild of the FBI. I’m here to see Doctor Lewis for my oncology appointment.”

  She smiled. “I’ll have you brought right back, sir. Come this way. We’ll keep this quick for you. I know you’re very busy, and Doctor Lewis doesn’t want you sitting in the waiting room.”

  Well, thank God for that.

  Gabe followed the other pink scrub-clad nurse to a secluded room. It didn’t look like an examination room. In fact, it looked like a doctor’s office.

  Shit.

  This couldn’t be good.

  While he appreciated them keeping this on the DL, this room terrified the shit out of him.

  He had to stop thinking of it like that.

  Gabe was tougher than that. He’d just lectured Ethan on perspective, and he needed to look at this from a different angle too. If not, he’d make himself sick.

  So, the highlights.

  He was sitting in an office, waiting for a high-priced doctor to talk to him. Yeah, that was one hell of an advantage to having his job.

  He got to hang out with all the really great cancer doctors.

  Just his freaking luck.

  * * * B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x * * *

  Hoover Building

  Ethan Blackhawk’s Office

  This whole thing sucked.

  After hanging up with Gabe, Ethan made a call. What he’d heard from the Metro police didn’t sit well with him at all.

  This was beyond creepy.

  It was bordering on sick.

  What made it a million times worse was the universe was screwing with him. When he’d gotten ready to head out to find his wife and Callen, he opened his office door, and there on the carpet was a present.

  A huge black feather.

  How it got there, he didn’t know, but it scared him.

  All of this scared him.

  Now he was seeking out his wife in hopes she’d not take this case. He wanted to tell her no
t to do it, to lie and pass it off to someone else, but they didn’t lie in their marriage.

  Even his little secret about the flight attendant was technically before they were married. This…yeah, it would be a flagrant foul, and he knew it.

  Still, Ethan was hesitating all the way to her new office space. A few weeks ago, he moved Elizabeth, Callen, and the whole VC unit to his floor to be closer to him.

  He didn’t want them five floors away. He wanted to look out of his office and hear her laughter. He wanted her perched on the corner of his desk like she used to when they were in Damascus.

  Those moments gave him peace.

  God knew he could use some right about then.

  So, as he headed down the hallway, three cups of coffee braced in his fingers, he was trying to figure out how to play this. Gabe had dropped one hell of a bomb, and he was rattled.

  He knew what he should do, but did he want to take the advice or go with his own gut?

  It didn’t matter.

  He had to handle this the right way. Ethan knew his wife best, and he already suspected what would happen if he tried to bullshit her.

  He’d be riding a couch so long that he would be begging for mercy.

  Walking into the conference room that she was using as her ‘bullpen’, he found a few members of the team there. Callen was sitting on a desk, Chris Leonard was leaning against Elizabeth, and they were all laughing.

  The second he came in, she glanced over.

  “Ethan,” she said, smiling brightly at him.

  His heart skipped in his chest. She was the most beautiful woman in the world, and he knew exactly how lucky he’d gotten. She could have found Callen first, and he would have been left behind.

  Ethan put the coffees down, and he opened his arms. His wife moved right into them.

  “God! I missed you,” he said, clinging to her like she was going to vanish into thin air if he let go.

  “I missed you too, handsome,” she offered, staring into his blue-black eyes.

  Ethan didn’t care if they had an audience. He kissed her for all he was worth.

  Callen and Chris started clapping as Ethan gave her one hell of a lip lock. It had to last a whole minute.

  “That’s not awkward,” Callen said, teasing his brother. “I’m next,” he stated, hoping his wife would plant one on him too. Why not join in the spit swapping fun?

  Ethan set her free.

  He crossed the room and kissed his brother.

  Chris started laughing. “You did say you were next. I’m glad I didn’t go there.”

  Elizabeth’s toes were still tingling. “Well, hell, Cowboy, what did I do to earn that?”

  “You married me.”

  Her heart skipped.

  “Ethan.”

  “All those years ago, you held on until I could get to you. Thank you for being my wife.”

  She loved when he’d say something sweet like that. Elizabeth knew that the time they spent was less and less each day, and she hated it.

  Only, she wouldn’t say a word. There was no point adding pressure to his overburdened shoulders.

  Already, she’d noticed a few gray hairs popping up in the sexy swing of his shoulder length hair.

  “I’d wait forever for you.”

  Callen rolled his eyes. “Someone is sleep deprived,” he said, wiping his mouth from where his brother had kissed him. “Ass kisser.”

  Ethan laughed. He only wished he could put his lips all over her very sexy behind.

  Unfortunately, that didn’t seem like it was going to happen any time soon.

  “Where were you last night?” Elizabeth asked, moving back into his body. When his arm came around her waist, she dropped her head to his shoulder.

  It made him want to weep.

  “POTUS.”

  That said it all.

  “We missed you,” she offered. Then she whispered in his ear. “You, me, and some cheap hotel for some really raunchy sex. You can be the director, and I’ll be the slutty woman you want blowing you.”

  Ethan loved her.

  This was part of the reason why.

  “I miss Miss Kitty,” he whispered back.

  “She misses you too,” Elizabeth offered, groping him through his dress pants.

  God!

  Ethan wished he was there for some quickie in a closet, but he needed to get this over with, and soon.

  “I have good news and bad news.”

  “Uh oh,” stated Callen. “I hate this game.”

  “What is it?” Elizabeth asked.

  She knew something was definitely up with him. Ethan looked haunted. His eyes weren’t sparkling, and there was no laughter in them.

  Whatever he had come there to talk about, it had to be big. Ethan didn’t do full on kisses in front of everyone.

  Callen…he was a totally different story.

  “Gabe called.”

  “And?”

  “You have a case, but you don’t have to take it.”

  Callen was confused. “Is that the good or bad news?” he asked. “I’m not sure I get it.”

  “It’s good for her, and bad for us.”

  Now he got it.

  “Oh, hell. It’s going to be one of those cases, isn’t it?” Callen asked. “The ones that make us a nervous wreck.”

  Elizabeth started bouncing.

  Those were her favorite ones.

  “I have a killer. I have a killer,” she taunted repeatedly.

  Chris snorted into his coffee mug. “You’re borderline crazy.”

  She was well aware.

  Still, Elizabeth couldn’t help it.

  She’d had a few cases the last couple of weeks, but mostly it was she and Callen sneaking around to handle the Oracle situation.

  She needed to use her mind. If you didn’t use it, you lost it, and she was a day away from being called crazy.

  “What is it?” Callen asked. “How bad can it really be, considering what we’ve dealt with before?”

  Oh, his brother had no idea.

  He handed Callen his phone. It was one single picture and it spoke volumes.

  It was of a rose with a tag wrapped around the thorn-filled stem. On it, there was Elizabeth’s name and a heart.

  “No,” stated Callen. “Absolutely not. She is not taking that case.”

  “What?” Elizabeth and Chris asked at the same time.

  They both grabbed the phone and stared at it. She didn’t get it at first, but Chris did.

  “Oh no.”

  “What?”

  Then she saw it.

  “Someone is calling me out?” she asked. “Is that why you’re all worked up?” she asked her husband. That would explain why he had his worried face on, and now Callen was joining him.

  Ethan nodded.

  “Chris, go get the team ready. I’ll have all the details and I’ll let you know what our plan is. Have the new head tech ready to go. He’s getting a trial by fire.”

  Chris high fived her and left the room.

  In fact, he raced the hell out of there. He’d been part of this rodeo before. The men were about to get their asses handed to them by Elizabeth.

  It was coming.

  The storm was brewing.

  Callen was busy watching his brother. Something was up, but he wasn’t sure what. Ethan always hated when she had cases, but this shouldn’t freak him out. It was in DC, and they could handle it.

  “Can I see you both in my office?” he asked, needing some privacy to do what he had to do.

  “Uh, sure.”

  They followed him down the hall, forgetting their coffees on the desk. Callen and Elizabeth didn’t know what to think. Ethan was acting…weird.

  Inside, he locked the door.

  “Are we getting naked?” she asked, grinning wickedly. It was her attempt to lighten the mood.

  Someone had to do it. Apparently, she was the only one who wasn’t freaked out.

  “I wish we were. I have a sick feeling in
the pit of my stomach, Elizabeth. I need you to listen to me, and then decide if you still want this case.”

  “Handsome, I have to take it.”

  “No, you don’t, and you might change your mind after you listen to me.”

  “What can do that?” Callen asked. “Are you going to drug her and lock her in your closet?”

  Ethan took a seat.

  He hated this.

  It always made him feel like some weirdo when he talked about it.

  “Last night, I had a dream.”

  They both stopped joking. It was all he had to say to get them to stop laughing. They took few things seriously in their lives. They had to keep it light, but dreams and Blackhawk boys were never a joking matter.

  Timothy.

  Wyler.

  Ethan.

  Yeah, they tended to have prophetic visions that mattered.

  “I don’t like the sound of this at all,” Callen stated, taking Elizabeth’s hand in his. “Not at all.”

  Callen was a firm believer in dreams.

  They were powerful.

  After all, Timothy Blackhawk had been the Shaman. He had them all the time, and even Wyler had them.

  It wasn’t shocking to any of them.

  “What was it about?” he asked.

  Ethan leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. That’s when he started at the beginning. “You were in it, Elizabeth. We were walking together, all three of us. You were holding our hands—between us.”

  She listened.

  So far, it sounded like a normal day in their lives.

  “There was lightning, a storm, and I took my eyes off you for one second, and you were both so far away.”

  Elizabeth was a skeptic about much in life.

  This?

  Yeah, she knew how he dreamed about her before they had ever met.

  “And?” she asked.

  “The storm started. I couldn’t reach you. I started falling, and I couldn’t get my bearings. When I finally did, you were gone. In your place, there were three ravens.”

  He took a minute to stare at his own hands.

  Elizabeth was worried. This was really rattling his cage, and that took a lot. Ethan played in the minds of madmen as a hobby.

  This was concerning.