Blood Shall Run (An FBI Romance Thriller Book 15) Page 24

  “Then Ethan and Callen would hurt. There was no way around this, Lyzee. Maybe fate wanted this for a reason. Maybe this is Chris’s lesson in life, and he has to navigate it. You can’t do it for him.”

  “The pride cometh before the fall.”

  “What?”

  “I’m paraphrasing a verse in Proverbs.”

  He stared at her as if she’d flipped her freaking wig. “Are you quoting bible verses? Did you hit your head today? This has to be a sign of the end times.”

  She laughed. “I was catholic when I met him. I even wore my mother’s little cross. I honestly believed back then. Now I don’t believe in anything. As for the verse, pride comes before destruction. It comes before the fall. I was arrogant, and I fell. If it was just me then that would be fine, but he put his faith in me, and I let him down. I broke him. He’s this shell because of me.”

  “That’s why you didn’t force him to therapy. You have to stop babying him.”

  She stroked his cheek.

  “It’s not babying him. I’m loving him the only way I know how. I don’t do that easily. Love has never been my strong point. I run from it.”

  “Sweetheart.”

  “It’s okay, Tony. I’ll be okay. I’m always okay.”

  He dropped his feet and slid the chair closer so he could hold her hand. “Lyzee, don’t do this to yourself. If we were, you’d kick our asses. When I was shot, you wouldn’t let me quit. I can’t let you do this. If Chris understood, he’d fight for you too. Until he gets it, I’ll do battle for the woman who’s always had our backs.”

  “He lost his wife, and I still have my husbands. How do I look at him every day, force him to go to a shrink, and not think that it should have been me?”

  That was a question no one had the answer to, and she knew it.

  “Lily Sanderson wanted to hurt me. She wanted to steal his love away and make me bleed. That was her end game. If she failed in killing me, she knew that by destroying the people around me, I’d fall. Her goal was to make him hate me, and she has. She won. After all that mess, after Cyra’s senseless death, and me nearly dying to stop her, she still won.”

  “He doesn’t hate you. He’s hurting.”

  “If he walks away, Tony, a piece of me will die. We grew up together—not as kids, but as newbies in the worst fucking job in the world. This calling forged us. It made us into this. You and Chris were my threesome before I had Ethan and Callen. It wasn’t sexual, but it was love. Now I’ve lost a piece of that. Like losing one of my husbands, I don’t know if I can recover.”

  “It’s not over, sweetheart. Don’t give up. I know you’re hitting the bottom, but you’re not alone. I’m here. I’ll help you back up, like you did when I felt hopeless.”

  She sniffled.

  “We three…we fought, waded through the mess, and held on to each other, and I’ve dropped the ball. If he goes, I’ll deserve it. How do I force him to do anything when I don’t deserve to even have him in my life anymore?”

  A tear slid down her cheek.

  She fought the emotion. Now wasn’t the time to break. Elizabeth had to hold on. She had to fight with what was left. Holding it together was the only thing she could do.

  Her team deserved it.

  “Every day, I watch him in our home, and I want to weep for what he’s lost. I see him looking at me, and each day, he’s colder. The love is gone. He hates me, and I deserve it. I’ve been waiting for this day, and I’m glad it’s here. It’s judgement day for me, and it’s not by a gun or killer. It’s by a man I love so much. It’s my time to face the music. I deserve everything he said about me, and so much more. Lily won, and I’ve lost.”

  He squeezed her hand, trying to offer her some strength. “Sweetheart, you’re breaking my heart.”

  Hers was already dying.

  You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

  “I don’t know if I can do this anymore. When I took this position, I was running. I took it because he said goodbye. He chose his wife over his career, and I was happy for him. He was going to have a chance. I opted to move here to escape losing him, but I knew he’d still be there if I needed him. Now I need him and he’s no longer there. I wanted him to leave for his life, and I was okay with that. I wanted him to have a chance. The baby bird was leaving the nest, so I took this job to run. It’s what I do. Look at my past. Look at the messes I’ve made.”

  “That’s total bullshit, Elizabeth. You fight harder than anyone I know.”

  “You all give me too much damn credit. I can’t live up to the hype. I think this is it. I think I’m done. When Cyra was killed, a part of me died too.”

  “You can’t mean that. This is who you are. If you give up your job, so many people won’t get justice. They’ll slip through the cracks. Who’s going to care about the hookers, the abused, or the destroyed?”

  Did it matter?

  She couldn’t stop it.

  She couldn’t hold back the dam any longer. With each one saved, fifty more landed on her shoulders. It was daunting, and the only reason she could do what she did was the men in her life.

  Ethan.

  Callen.

  Chris.

  Tony.

  They were her support, armor, and heart. Now she was losing pieces. How long until it was all gone?

  “What’s left for me, Tony? Fifteen years ago, I told him if he stayed, I’d stick. Chris is gone, and now I have no reason to stay. He bailed on me, and I have no reason to fight.”

  The tears slipped out and onto Chris’s neck. She wiped them away with gentle fingers.

  Tony didn’t know what to do to help. He was at a loss. There was only one person who could save her, and it was the man resting on her lap.

  “I need a few minutes. I’m going to find Callen. I need to find my husband.”

  Gently, she lifted his head from her lap. “I hope you forgive me one day, Chris. If you don’t, I understand why. Even though I dropped you, you’ve never dropped me and you can always come back. I’ll save that place in my heart for you.”

  She kissed him on the cheek. Then she kissed Tony on his. “I don’t want to drop you too. Something has to give, and it’s me. I can’t do this anymore, Tony. I’m sorry. I just don’t have the strength to watch you all die inside because of me.”

  He watched her walk away. When the door closed, he looked over at his friend. “I know you’re not asleep. You’ve slept in the morgue enough times for me to know when you’re faking it.”

  Chris opened his eyes.

  “You heard that, right? You think she dropped you, and maybe she did, but you dropped her too. Once, you yelled at me for hurting her, and I’m going to return the favor. You need to let this go. Cyra is dead. You’re broken, Elizabeth is giving up, and then what? Where is this going to stop? How many people do we help in a year, but now we’re not even able to fix us?”

  He stared at his friend. His heart hurt.

  Chris had heard it all.

  “She didn’t save Cyra, and she’s mourning too. Instead of doing it alone, maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive her, and help her heal too.”

  “I still love her. I’ll always love her, Tony. I know she didn’t do this to Cyra, here,” he said, touching his chest, “but here,” he said, touching his head, “I can’t work through it.”

  “Find a way.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Go with what’s in your heart. Stop thinking, Chris. When you first met Cyra, it took you a year to get your head to stop messing with your heart. You lost a full year with her because you were being too analytical. We don’t have a year. She’s going to walk. Our family is fractured apart, and you’re the only one who can stop it.”

  “I love, Lyzee. She’s my sister. She’s all I have left, and I hate that I’ve hurt her.”

  “You should tell her that, not me. I’m going to shower. Think about it. You think she’s not hurting, but you now have the luxury, and burden
, of knowing the truth. You’re not the only one who died a little that day, Chris. Cyra took some of her too. She took some of all of us—me included. Snap out of it. You’re losing all that’s left. Is that what you want?”

  He didn’t realize until that point that Elizabeth was hurting as much as him. He’d forgotten that she loved him and was part of him.

  Of course, she’d hurt.

  Of course she’d suffer.

  “She’s quoting bible verses, Chris. Fix this. The universe is turned upside down, and without her, we don’t have a team. She’s the center. Fix your shit. Cyra is dead. It’s a horrible thing. We get your upset, but it’s past the mourning and anger phase. You need to start with forgiving YOU. That’s why you’re angry. It’s not her. It’s you.”

  With that, he left.

  Chris sat there thinking about what his friend had said.

  He played it over and over in his mind.

  Tony was right.

  He had to do something.

  No one could fix this but him.

  * * * B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x * * *

  She entered her room across the hall, and immediately, she heard his voice. When she looked up, Ethan was standing there beside his brother.

  He looked angry.

  She didn’t need this. If he flipped, she wouldn’t even fight. There was nothing left. The well was officially empty. Elizabeth had hit rock bottom, someone had cut the ladder, and there was no way out.

  “Go ahead. Yell at me. I’m ready. I deserve it. I was reckless, I could have been killed, and you are angry at me.”

  He must have heard it in her voice.

  His face softened when he saw her.

  “Come here, baby. I’m not angry with you. I’m pissed someone tried to flambé my girl.”

  “Oh, Ethan,” she whispered as he opened his arms. Elizabeth didn’t hesitate. She rushed him. When he wrapped her against him, the tears really came in torrents.

  She held on until he got here. She held on until her rock arrived, and now she could fall apart. Callen moved behind her, trapping her between them.

  Her sobs wracked her body.

  “I’ve really screwed this up. I’ve made a mess of so many lives. I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know where even to begin. I knew this was coming. I knew one day, Chris was going to blame me. It was only a matter of time.”

  The men she loved held her.

  She wasn’t the only one who saw this coming.

  They did too.

  “I’m losing my brother, and I have to let him go. How do I not fall apart?”

  He kissed her on the curl of her ear. Whispering softly, he gave her the only words he could. “You fall apart, and you let the ones who love you put you back together. You trust that we have you, and we always will. When you’re not strong, we will be. It’s not you against the world, Elizabeth Renee. It’s us against it.”

  She sobbed.

  They held her.

  “It’ll be okay, angel,” Callen reassured, staring into his brother’s eyes.

  Neither believed it.

  “Tomorrow, I’m going home. I’m resigning. I can’t do this anymore.”

  They didn’t see that coming.

  At all.

  “Baby.”

  Her sobs cut them off. They didn’t know what to do. Neither man had ever seen her quit.

  She was indeed broken.

  Now they had to put her back together again.

  Somehow…

  And they knew who had to take that first step.

  * * * B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x * * *

  He found her walking down an alley. She thought she could take a shortcut to Bourbon Street, but she was sadly mistaken. That laziness would ultimately cost her everything.

  Her life was over.

  His would have a few more days thanks to her.

  “Hey, want to hang out?” he asked, winking salaciously at her so she’d get the hint. He could tell she was a lady of the night by the cheap shoes, and slutty clothes. Plus, he’d seen her working on the corner by the deli.

  She stopped and stared at him. “Are you paying?” she asked. “I don’t do freebies.”

  “Yes, I am.”

  He got her attention with three little words.

  “Name your price.”

  She was all his.

  “Can we get some drinks and maybe some drugs too?” she asked, moving closer. “I party better when I’m high. Then you can do whatever you want.”

  He almost wished he had drugs so this would be so much easier.

  “It’s your party. What else do you want?” he asked.

  She smiled. “Anything you want,” she purred into his ear. “We can do anything that gets you off. I’ll be your wildest fantasy.”

  He let her rub against him.

  He wasn’t thrilled she was doing it.

  Her touch did nothing for him, since he knew she was probably a walking disease fest. He hoped her liver wouldn’t be filled with disease, but he was desperate. He felt like shit, and his time on Earth was coming to an end. The hours felt like days, his legs felt like they were in concrete blocks, and the pain was unbearable.

  She’d have to do.

  What choice did he have?

  When he pulled his hands from his pocket to flash the cash, she greedily stared at it.

  Then, even in her strung out haze, she noticed something.

  “Wait. Why are you wearing leather gloves? It’s almost ninety out. Are you crazy?”

  It was his turn to laugh, right before he hit her in the face with all his might.

  She fell backward against the wall, her heeled feet sliding out from beneath her. He knew what he needed, and he knew where he was going to stash her, but first…

  He tied her hands behind her back and put tape across her mouth. There were some things to handle before he could take her life.

  Just a few little things.

  As he carried her out of the alley, through the dark abandoned streets, and to his ride, it didn’t take long to get to his destination.

  He had a gift to leave for Elizabeth Blackhawk.

  Boy, was she going to be surprised.

  Chapter Nine

  Wednesday Evening

  They wanted her to stay with them. Ethan and Callen wanted their wife to cuddle between them so they could soothe all of her pain. They’d taken her to bed, easing some of the hurt with as much love and need that they could fill her with, but she wouldn’t stay.

  She had an obligation.

  After downing a slice of pizza and taking a shower, she headed out. She’d promised to watch over Chris, and she couldn’t fail again. He was a man on the edge, and she was seriously worried about his sanity.

  She was sick about it.

  He wasn’t the only thing bouncing around in her brain. She was also thinking about the day’s events. There was one thing that kept playing over and over again in her mind. The priestess had given her that medallion. The detective had told her that it was a fire God of protection, and then they’d nearly been fire bombed.

  That didn’t sit right with her.

  They suspected some ritual with the removed organs, but the fire? Either this woman was yanking their chain, or she was indeed talking to the spirits.

  Elizabeth never believed in woo-woo bullshit.

  Hell!

  She scoffed at it like the rest of the sane world. Only as of late, there were things that made her question everything.

  There was Oracle.

  Avalon Miller was someone she couldn’t explain. The woman knew shit that no one else knew. What if this was the same thing? What if her pride and arrogance were keeping her from seeing the truth?

  Since meeting her, there was that kernel of doubt. Maybe there was more out there. What if this woman did have a clue?

  It was something to ponder.

  As she wandered into Chris’s room, she found him still asleep in bed. Tony was on his phone, working tande
m with Merry. They were sending reports back and forth, as Tony tried his best to figure out what the hell was going on with the victims.

  She tapped him on the shoulder.

  “Go get some sleep. You’re going to be running the lab tomorrow. With Chris down, I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

  He stood. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m the best I’m going to be. I’ll pull through.” She didn’t tell him that in the morning, once the team briefed them, she was going home. Elizabeth was going back to Gabe, and for the second time in her life, she was handing over her badge.

  “If you need me, I’m in the next room. Come get me, even if it’s just to talk.”

  She hugged him. “Tomorrow, Tony, I want you to remember one thing.”

  He watched her with calm aqua eyes. He saw the intent there.

  “Don’t do it, Lyzee.”

  Of course he’d know. Her loved ones would.

  “Just know that I love you, and if you ever need me, you know how to find me. Ethan’s still the Deputy Director, and Callen will be partnered with Livy.”

  He wanted to be sick.

  Then he wanted to kick Chris’s ass for so many reasons. This was only one.

  “Stop by and see me. I’ll miss you every day.”

  He placed his palm on her cheek, and Tony wanted to shake her, but he knew she needed her family. This had to be hard for her too.

  “If this is what you need to do, I support you. I think you’re making a horrible mistake, but I have your back. As for stopping by, I will. We have BBQ’s on weekends. I’ll bring the potato salad.”

  She rested her forehead against his. “Thank you for loving me, even when I was a hot mess and screwed up. I’ll always hold that precious to me.”

  He kissed her on the forehead. “Sweetheart, promise me that you’ll sleep on it.”

  It wouldn’t matter, but she’d give him that. It was the least she could do, and Elizabeth knew it. This was the hardest thing she ever had to do.

  It would change her, and she knew it.